Everyday I think of more and more ideas for new and exciting blogs! I won't go into details about the new ideas in this post, but be ready for a couple more Upcoming Blog posts.
This post is going to be about a couple of things: first, my Halloween costume and about my Halloween this year, and second, my first post in my new Nail of the Week series!
So my costume was a panda kigurumi. For those who do not know what a kigurumi is, please look it up because I feel too lazy to explain it right now. Sorry! ^v^
So this is what it looked like:
Anyway, sorry for that random website review, haha!
I didn't go trick or treating, for I am fourteen years old. I understand the beautiful piles of free candy, but I don't feel the need to eat such a large amount of sugar, heehee. So what I did this Halloween was host a small get-together with some of my friends, and on Halloween night (which is tonight), I dressed in my panda and paw costume and passed out candy to several children. It was quite fun. Nothing special, but I feel like these holidays' traditions seem to fade as one gets older. I love Christmas and I truly hope this Christmas's traditions are unaffected by time, unlike some other holidays, such as Halloween and Easter :( I'd like to try and reinforce more traditions these upcoming holidays.
OOH! New idea for a blog post: List of traditions I'd like to have these upcoming holidays. Of course the title would be shorter, heehee, but you get the gist.
Next topic: My nails of the week!
My inspiration was finding the nail dotters on my sister's vanity and then looking over at the beautiful pastel colors. I decided to try something a bit new. My next design is most likely going to involve pandas. I am excited to show you my nails again next week! Hopefully, there'll be a whole plethora of pandas! :D
A bit of bad news and a brief life story:
I have been experiencing flare-ups from my arthritis (JRA- Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. Please do not hesitate to look it up if you are curious). I will just give a bit of a backstory: I was diagnosed when I was two years old with JRA. It was in every single joint in my body and it attacked my immune system, blah blah blah. Anyway, many hospital visits, IV's, vitals (TOO MANY), blood draws, pain, medicine (sooo many disgusting medicines) later, I went into remission. I experience mostly finger pain in the morning. They get swollen in the morning, then usually the pain and swollen-ness goes away. This past week it is more than just morning and I am scared. A couple months ago I had visited the doctor for finger pain and he said I ALMOST had to go back on Prednisone (a disgusting steroid that makes you fat) if they found fluid in my joints. Like, what? Well, if I have to go back on this medicine, it will make me fat like it did last time. When I was about 3 or 4 years old, my mother told me, people would ACTUALLY go up to my parents and tell them they were horrible for letting their child "get that way." Can you believe they had the audacity, the gall, to say that directly to my parents?
Of course, many years later I lost all the weight, but I had some comments about my weight when I was about 11-12 years old. I WASN'T EVEN FAT OR OVERWEIGHT! There were plenty, PLENTY of people that should've been ridiculed more than I. This took a toll on my self-esteem, of course, and there I was falling into a downward spiral of depression, as well as a harsh eating disorder. Along with this, I dealt with a divorce of my parents (who are now back together now) because my dad was an alcoholic and it was too much and there was a huge night out of it with a gun, and police, and many beer cans scattered amongst our house. Long story short, Mom got a divorce that night and we lived at my grandpa's house for quite a while. My grandpa was currently in the hospital with colon cancer and shortly after, he died. What a mess. I hadn't seen my dad in months and then we finally met up again. We figured out he'd changed and removed himself from alcohol completely.
Some months later my mom, sister, and I bought a small condo. Months later, my parents got back together on my sister and my birthday (we have the same birthday, 2 years apart, unplanned). We moved back into our original house and that's where we live now. But that was not the end of my story. I had a huge problem with depression and an eating disorder and then I'd gone to therapy after an emergency hospital visit because my mom found some texts of mine to a friend. I continued going to that therapist, until the big guns were brought out. My mom read my diary out of concern for my health and well-being after I told a therapist I had for one session that I wanted to.. not live anymore.. blah blah blah skip over that part. I was sent to a Center Pointe hospital where I stayed for 1 week. I was then sent to an outpatient program when I got out, but this actually furthered my desires to self harm because of the ideas I got from other patients. I received a new therapist that specialized in eating disorders, with whom I still see to this day (the previous things all being about 1-2 years ago).
I began gaining confidence after having a boyfriend, but then he went on vacation and betrayed my trust. No, we did not engage in adult-only actions (if you were assuming), as, of course, we are MUCH too young. Fourteen and fifteen is not the age for such actions. Not even up to eighteen, in my opinion, whatever, I'm rambling again ^.^ So after this break-up, I was challenged by self-loathing and hatred of myself. But eventually, I broke through the teenage issues and emerge as a totally new person today. I am a mostly confident girl, I know what I want out of life, I know my interests, I know my body, and I know what I need to do to make myself happy (watch panda videos :3) So in a way, the entire process was just to know more about myself. I believe you have to go through traumatic experiences, survive through them, and know how to survive next time to truly know yourself. Go with the flow.
Some nice quotes that helped me through:
"Declare independence. Don't let them do that to you."
~ Björk, Declare Independence
"If you think I let you pull me down, too, you're third-class communication. And bulldoze over all my sensitivities. I let you corrupt it. Sod off..."
~ Björk, Sod Off
"You're the one who's missing out, but you don't know yet. Until after five years, if you live that long. You'll wake up all loveless."
~ Björk, 5 Years
"How could I be so immature? To think he could replace the missing elements in me."
~ Björk, Immature
"If you're bleeding, undo. If you're sweating, undo. If you're crying, darling, undo."
~ Björk, Undo
Beautiful songs that will give you shivers:
ALL by Björk
Harm of Will (original + DarkJedi remix)
Sun in My Mouth
Heirloom
Cocoon
Unison
Solstice (original + DarkJedi remix)
Sacrifice (original + DarkJedi remix)
Undo
Sod Off
Why?
Declare Independence
Immature
5 Years
Venus as a Boy
Domestica
All Neon Like
All is Full of Love (original + DarkJedi remix)
Unravel
Hidden Place
Play Dead
Virus (original + DarkJedi remix)
Hyperballad
Modern Things
Alarm Call
Bachelorette
Isobel
Hunter
Big Time Sensuality
It's Oh So Quiet
Gling Gló
Human Behavior
Amphibian
It's in Our Hands
It's Not Up to You
Joga
Pleasure is All Mine
Like Someone in Love
Mouth's Cradle
Broken
The Anchor Song
Desired Constellation
Dull Flame of Desire
I've Seen it All
Oceania
Cosmogony
Earth Intruders
Headphones
New World
Pagan Poetry
Possibly Maybe
Sonnets/ Unrealities XI
Triumph of a Heart
Who is it
Wanderlust
Generous Palmstroke
Sod Off Icelandic (gorgeous)
Army of Me
Innocence
I Go Humble
Scary
I Miss You
Hollow
Moon
Crystalline
There's More to Life than This
Submarine
OKAY, basically ANY Björk song!!!
I would not recommend listening to Ancestors first because if that is the first song of hers that you've ever heard, you don't really know her style and you'll judge much too quickly. If you think the song Ancestors is weird, still, do not be quick to judge. This song is extremely poetic (as are most of her songs) and the singing is the beautiful art known as throat-singing. The background piano is lovely and you can even get it instrumental. These songs inspired me and my own poetry. She is truly a gift to the world.
Thank you, Björk~
That was quite a long post, I apologize.
Time to finally end the post, my Sweets, but I'll be staying up all night because NO SCHOOL TOMORROW!! For teacher meeting reasons, whooo!
If you read this entire thing, props to you :D
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